Christmas. My last post was during Christmas. How different our lives were then. We had no idea.
I feel like most people know the basics and there is no need to rehash the whole story. Long story short, Kirk thought he had the flu but he was much more sick than we could ever imagine. He was in liver failure, kidney failure, septic and on a ventilator. He spent three weeks in the ICU at Henry Ford, a week on the floor, and five weeks at U of M for inpatient rehab.
What happened? We don't know. It does not appear to be the autoimmune disease all the doctors we saw thought he had and he will not need a liver transplant. I can't tell you our relief at that news.
I need to say thank you. I need to thank family, friends, random people who don't know me or Kirk, and anyone and everyone who has helped us along this journey. I haven't found the words to say thank you. How do you say thank you to people who didn't know what to do, but did something anyway? Thank you just doesn't seem like enough.
I will never forget being in the ICU and never knowing if I would see my husband again. Never knowing if I would hear his voice again. I called his voicemail over and over and over just to hear him say "Kirk Schultz". I thought about my kids. What would I say? Where will we go? What the hell would we do? I sobbed. Bawled. Literally fell to my knees. For 16 years Kirk has been the person I turn to when something in my life is wrong and I appreciated everyone offering to help, but I just wanted my husband; my very best friend.
I did learn to accept that people really did want to help and do whatever they can. I learned there are few things anyone could have said to make me feel better in my darkest days. I learned meals are not always the best option (though I appreciated all the food!). I learned a hug goes a long way. I heard people say to me day after day they didn't know what to say. I learned those people needed a hug as much as I did. We live in a city where we have no family and very few friends. I didn't realize how many until we found ourselves needing friends. Our neighbors shoveled and snowblowed, Isadora's school brought food, babysat and offered free day care, a friend picked my kids up from school everyday for almost 9 weeks, another made food, another offered money and her sister's (I've literally met her sister one time) work took up a collection and gave us gift cards and money. The photographer who has taken the kids' pictures the last few years offered us a free session and pictures. And here I thought we had only a few friends in Howell.
The outpouring of love is unreal. I mean really amazing. Our families and friends have gone beyond anything we could have imagined. It's truly amazing. My brother and my sister spent days and weekends with the kids. I would call a friend and ask if they could help. She would drop everything just to be here. And Kirk's co-workers? Nothing short of amazing.
We've made it today. Holy cow. I cannot believe it. I can't believe this all happened. I just can't. I look at Kirk today and am in complete awe of him. He is a walking miracle. He lost 50 lbs. It was weeks before he could take even one step. When he first got to UM he had no strength. He couldn't hold his electric razor with one hand to shave. Today he is walking with his cane about 50% of the time. Truthfully, he needs it much less. He will start back at work very part time in July. It's been great having him home and watching him get stronger every single day. The kids love it, but he's ready to get some normalcy back in his life.
The kids. Our little troopers. Our little monsters. I freaking adore these two little kiddos. I hate bragging about my kids because those people annoy me, but they truly have been amazing through all of this. My goal was always to keep things as normal as possible for them. I never wanted them to feel neglected and I always wanted to be home for them in the morning or at night. We went to dance and swimming, they never missed school and people stepped up to help me. I never could have done this on my own. My Mom (holy cow my Mom. A lifesaver.) was here every single week for weeks helping me, the kids, cooking, cleaning; anything to make my life easier. It was weeks before the kids saw Kirk. It was Valentine's Day. What a special Valentine's Day. One of them will occasionally bring up the hospital or Kirk being sick, but I don't expect them to forget. This was a huge event in all our lives.
I find myself wondering daily if everything happens for a reason. Are we all here for a purpose? I don't know. Maybe, maybe not but I do think it's up to us to figure it out.
Thank you to everyone from the deepest parts of my soul. Someone out there is leaving me pennies. I don't know who it is. I think it's the baby and Kirk thinks it's one of our grandparents. I find so much comfort in those pennies. Every single time I find one (or two since I seem to find them in pairs) I'm reminded it's all going to be ok. I've always said it's all going to work out and it has. Everything is ok.
A special shout out to my brother-in-law, Doug, whose shoulder I cried on (literally not figuratively), who did the talking when I couldn't, and the listening when I couldn't hear what the doctors were saying. Thank you so very much.
Have I said thank you? If you sent a card, thank you. Food, thank you. A text, thank you. Money, thank you. Gift card, thank you. Flowers or a basket, thank you. A thought, a prayer, thank you. You spent more time with my kids than you ever imagined, thank you. If I forgot something, I'm sorry. I haven't forgotten what you did for us. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
