Celebrating Mother's Day in a Whole New Way

This poor blog has been neglected. I apologize. This year has brought Kirk and I into a club we never expected to be a part of.

I had a miscarriage.

There. I said it.

We learned we were expecting the very beginning of February; it seems like years ago. I can tell you it wasn't planned and we were surprised. I can also tell you nothing felt right from the start. I had blood work and an ultrasound done at six weeks. Everything looked good. After telling the doctor this was an unplanned pregnancy, she told me this baby must be destined for great things and I believed her. It was at that moment I became a little more excited and a little less apprehensive. Still, I looked up every single pregnancy symptom like this was my first baby. The nurses at the OB office told me every pregnancy is different. Blah, blah, blah...

After the 12 week appointment, the doctor ordered an ultrasound based on symptoms I'd been having. After that ultrasound, the u/s tech consulted with a doctor and scheduled me for another u/s the following week.

It was at that u/s we learned the baby was sick. Actually, the baby was "in trouble" and diagnosed with hydrops.  We later learned the baby had Downs.

When the 16 week appointment rolled around, Kirk and I both knew the chance of there being a heartbeat wasn't likely. The doctor had told me during a recent phone conversation, the cramping I was having could be nature taking it's course. And IF the baby survived until the anatomy scan around 20 weeks, she would be able to tell us how long the baby will live. It all sounded so ominous.

Nothing can prepare you for not hearing or seeing your baby's heartbeat. Nothing. We knew it could happen and we both thought we were prepared for that. Honestly, I thought we would feel a little relief if there was no heartbeat because we could move on with our lives instead of living day to day and wondering when I was going to lose the baby.

The MA couldn't find the heartbeat. The NP didn't either. The u/s tech felt horrible. She had tears in her eyes. Kirk and I both cried. We walked out of the room red eyed. I could feel nurses and doctors staring at us. I was a day shy of 17 weeks.

I had a d & c the next day.

I'm sad. So very, very sad. I keep thinking back to my first ultrasound when the doctor (coincidentally the same doctor who did the d & c) told me this baby was destined for great things. Or when I woke up in recovery and could feel one tear going down my cheek as if I had been crying during the surgery.

I had dreams for this baby. Hopes and dreams. We knew fairly early on we may never meet this baby or be able to hold him (I'm convinced he's a he) but I had imagined our lives with him in it. I know he may have been sick, but that doesn't make it any easier.

Mother's Day this year is bittersweet.  A week ago I lost a baby but I am lucky and thankful and blessed to have two crazy, hilarious kiddos at home who keep me going. If it weren't for them and Kirk, I would still be curled up in bed.

I have days where I feel like I may never be the same, like this has changed me forever. And it has, but as I've told people the past week, I will not let this define me. I will not become a spiteful person because I've had a miscarriage. I may be a little stand-offish and quiet for awhile and I may cry at the sight of babies and I may want to scream at someone complaining about their pregnancy and ask them if they have any idea how lucky they are. But, I'm not the first to lose a baby and sadly, I won't be the last.

Life will go on.

Thank you to everyone who has supported us the last couple weeks. The cards, the flowers, the food, the random acts of kindness, it has made things easier for us. Thank you to my family who I have been relying on and to my friends who have been there for me.  Thank you for saying the right things and listening to me cry.

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms in my life. Especially my mom who has been there for me the last couple months. I love you.  I can't say it enough.  

I am celebrating Mother's Day with new eyes.  Eyes I never imagined I'd have, but here I am. Maybe the baby wasn't destined for great things here on earth, but maybe he was destined to teach us a thing or two about life. And that in itself is pretty great.

Oh Christmas Tree

Going and cutting down our tree has become one of my favorite things to do each Christmas.  Last year we were a little rushed; Lincoln liked the process a whole heck of a lot less than we thought he would.  This year started out a little rocky but Lincoln totally perked up and had a really great time helping us pick out the tree.

It was the tiniest tree we have ever had.  I'm pretty sure.  We always pick a tree that looks just right when we're at the tree farm and when we get it home it's huge.  This year, we had the opposite problem: we thought it was perfect there and when we got it home it was so small!

Doughnut eating in the lodge.

 Lincoln was a huge help decorating the tree.  I had to move all the ornaments after he went to bed.  They were all at his eye level.

Isadora would not stop pulling the tree lights off the tree.  It was so darn annoying.  The worst.

And we had breakfast with Santa.  Santa scared the dickens out of both the kids.  This was right before Isa screamed like crazy.  Lincoln did manage to tell him what he wanted for Christmas before jumping off Santa's lap.

 I love the family tradition we have started of going to get a tree every year.  It is by far one of my favorite things we all do together each Christmas.

We're Still Here!

So, a couple months ago I went to update the blog when I was surprised to find I could not upload any pictures to my blog.  None!  I think I finally figured out the problem, but now I have a lot of catching up to do!

Back in October, we went to Great Wolf Lodge in Cincinnati with Kirk's brother Jason, his wife Nikki and their son Gavin.  While in Cinci, we went to the zoo.  It was such a bummer because it was pouring rain for much of our day there.  I forgot my camera in the car...or maybe I left it there on purpose due to the downpour.  I can't remember.

The Cinci GWL is awesome.  We've been to the Traverse City one, but there is something to be said for visiting a larger GWL.  It was awesome and even though we were there on a weekend, it never felt like it was packed.  Even the water park wasn't overcrowded.

Lincoln had a great time at the water park and playing with Gavin.  Gavin is a couple years older than Lincoln, but he is so good with him.  And they played really well together.

Isa: not a big fan of the water park!  :)

Saturday night there was a Halloween parade (yes...it's been THAT long!).  This was before Halloween and poor Lincoln didn't understand Halloween was more than this unorganized and chaotic parade.  After the parade he was so upset about Halloween.  Thankfully we were able to show him this was not Halloween a  few days later.

I love that there are so many things to do at GWL.  Lincoln painted a pumpkin, Isa colored and we all were able to play in the arcade.

I'd totally recommend a visit to a bigger Great Wolf Lodge.  We had fun at the smaller one, but wouldn't pass up a trip to a larger one!

Allergy Update

I will address why I've been MIA for the last couple months in another post, but I did want to hop onto my old blog and give you guys an update on our sweet sunshine girl.

A couple weeks ago, Isa had blood drawn to check her allergies. They were checking for a dairy allergy, egg allergy, soy allergy and peanut allergy. We went to the allergist today anticipating a skin allergy test. However, when he saw her blood work results, he said there was no need for a skin test. Little Miss Isa still has her dairy allergy and has developed an egg allergy.

Bummer.

He described her dairy allergy as moderate and her egg allergy as slight, but was totally confident she would grow out of them. He also said you can have one of three things happen when you expose your child to something they are allergic to: no reaction, skin reaction or vomiting, anaphylaxis, etc. You decide if it's worth the risk.

We were surprised by the egg allergy. And, I'm going to be honest: he did say to avoid eggs last time we saw him, however, I still gave her eggs in stuff just not straight up eggs. She has never had a sign of a reaction.

I know there are theories out there about allergy development. I've read them all, I've heard them all. We didn't start Is on solids until she was nearly 7 months. That's right: I solely nursed her until she was 7 months old. I know someone whose pediatrician said it was fine to give their kids anything and everything after the age of 1. Other pediatricians have the "this but not that" mentality; eggs now, peanut butter later, whole milk now, shellfish later.

Maybe I nursed too long and didn't expose her to food soon enough. Maybe I exposed her to some foods too early. Maybe it's hereditary seeing as I have a certain sister with food allergies...well, we can't totally blame her. Or can we? :)

Whatever the case, it friggin' sucks. No beating around the bush. We haven't changed our eating too much. I've heard people strip their houses completely of whatever their kids are allergic to, but I've also heard the opposite. Personally, I lean toward having the foods around and in the house. I mean, that's the real world, right? And Lincoln has totally been way interested in Isa's allergy. I want him to be aware and understand What she can and can't eat. Kirk and I may not always be there, but maybe Lincoln will be there to ask questions if we can't be.

It's overwhelming. It sucks. We go back for a recheck skin test in August.

Until then, we will keep trucking along. And if anyone has good ideas for egg substitutes, I'd love to hear them!

As for the bruise in the below picture (makes her look like a super hero, right?) don't ask. All I will say is Homegirl is still climbing.

Lincoln Jerome-eo

I feel like poor Lincoln isn't getting enough props these days!  So many happenings with Isadora...sorry.

Potty training is going really well!  Lincoln is mostly in undies these days.  We've had accidents here and there (as Elmo says "accidents happen and that's ok!") but for the most part he's done so well telling us when he needs to go whether we're at home or out and about.  He's done so well at school telling his teachers when he has to go or just getting up and going on his own.  I keep spare undies and pants there, just in case.

We're working on getting rid of Lincoln's afternoon nap.  The 5:30 wake up call was too much for me.  I love that he wakes me up to tell me he has to go potty but I don't love that it's 5:30 and he's wide awake.  Who knew getting rid of the afternoon nap would be so hard on all of us?  I had a hard time deciding to omit the nap because it means my alone afternoon time is no more.  Oh well...it had to happen eventually!

We've spent a lot of time recently sick, which has been awesome.  We're all coughing and hacking stuff up.  Poor Isa had a nasty case of croup and earlier this week Lincoln vomited all over himself in the car.  I think once you strip your child down to his undies in a random parking lot on the corner of a busy intersection in metro Detroit, you really feel like you've made it as a mother.  Poor kid

 Lincoln loves doing right now is putting on talent shows for us.  He always tells us we're going to have a talent show "tonight".  Or a magic show.  It seems the talent show pretty much just involves us sitting here while he draws on his Etch-a-Sketch.  Not sure where there's talent or magic in that, but I love it nonetheless!

We've spent a lot of time baking.  I love that Lincoln loves to help me in the kitchen.  He always finds an excuse to use the Kitchen Aid mixer.

And today I feel like I may have stumbled upon something really good for Lincoln.

Last year for Christmas, my in-laws got me a juicer.  I had asked for it, but I didn't realize how big it was.  And confession, I just took it out of the cupboard and used it for the first time yesterday.  Lincoln and I threw in carrots, spinach and an apple: it was so good!  And he was actually ASKING to make juice again today!  His ingredients of choice today were spinach, carrots and an orange.  He loved it!

I did some research on making juice for kids.  It does remove some of the fiber and other vitamins, but there is no reason to stop kids from drinking juice from a juicer as long as they get veggies/fruits from other resources as well.  I'm so excited he's drinking veggies now!  I'm super excited.  I made myself a kale, tangerine, pear, cucumber combo.  Super good!  I did read one article about mixing fruits and veggies something about digesting, but I don't care: he's getting his veggies!

Please ignore Lincoln's hair in these pictures.  The haircut he got at the mall a couple weeks ago?  Terrible.  He's sporting a mullet.  I have placed an emergency call to Jennya.

Beast

Beast: this is what we affectionately call Isadora these days and for good reason!

The girl is something else.  She's like a little tornado.  She comes crawling (yes crawling, ok?  she's totally on the Lincoln walking schedule!) into the living room and destroys it within seconds.  We always find her in the cat toys.  We even moved the cat toys under the table and she's always going under the table to get at the cat toys.

And she loves climbing.  Oh my gosh does she love climbing!  On anything and everything.  She claims onto the ottoman and will try to stand.  If she's not strapped into her high chair, she'll stand up.  We have two kid size chairs in the living room and she's always climbing into both and just sitting there for a few seconds before she's on the move again.

One of the chairs is right by an end table.  B showed us her mad climbing skills a couple days ago when she got into the chair and climbed onto the table.  I'm clearly very close to her so don't freak out!

We are busy right now with two of my favorite things: potty training and teething. For real?  Potty training?  and teething!  Will it ever end?!  We've made a lot of progress with Lincoln and even made our first venture out into public just wearing undies last week.  The hardest part is getting him to tell us he has to go when he's having fun.  My new alarm clock is Lincoln in my face saying, "Mommy, I have ta go poootty".  It's really awesome.  Especially the days it's pre 6:00 am.

And teething.  Oh my gosh, teething.  Talk about never ending.  Isa had the same four teeth for 5 months and now they are all coming in with a vengeance.  Holy cow.  My nights now consist of being up with B at least once and pumping her full of meds and then a wake up call bright and early from Lincoln.  Kirk and I have both been walking around like zombies for the last couple weeks.  It's all temporary, it's all temporary...

Can you see the teeth?  And do you see the curl?!  The lone curl!!  I hope there are more!

Being the genius that I am, I decided to take both kids to the mall on a rainy day to get haircuts by myself.  Holy cow.  That was a chore!  I even took them to Olga's.  That was a disaster especially when I was talking to the server and looked back to see Isa nose deep in the almond butter.  She had an allergic reaction on the way home.  Poor thing was itching her eyes and had a rash all over her face.  I raced home and gave her some Benadryl.  She took a good long nap and was as good as new.  So, I guess she still has a dairy allergy.

Here I am trying to get a picture of B.  The girl can move.

Oh, this box is my creativity at it's finest.  Thanks to Pinterest, I found this pin.  We took a big box, put holes in the top and put Christmas lights through the holes.  It's totally fun!

Let the holiday season begin!

Halloween

Can you believe this was Lincoln's 4th Halloween?!  Fourth!

Lincoln has been obsessed with robots lately.  They made robots out of boxes and aluminum foil at preschool and now they're his thing.  Or should I say this week they are his thing.  Next week his thing will be sharks or something.

Needless to say, Lincoln was a robot for Halloween!

How annoying is the under bite smile?!

Funny story about Isa's costume: I had gotten her a Minnie Mouse costume.  I went to try it on her and it wouldn't fit over her head!  She doesn't have a big head or anything, I think the costume was just small.  I made a trip to Target to pick out a new costume and the only one left in her size was a pink dinosaur.  Sooo, she was a pink dino.

Not the ideal costume, but she rocked it.

We attempted a picture of the two of them:

This is the progression of pictures.  Impossible!

This was the first year we carved a pumpkin with Lincoln, or should I say Kirk carved a pumpkin with Lincoln.  These pictures were mostly for show.  He wasn't strong enough to get the seeds out of the pumpkin.  They slipped right through his little hands.

He and Kirk did a great job with the carving.

 And the final product!

We had every intention of carving 2 more pumpkins, but we didn't cause we're lazy like that.  And it's a lot of work taking the seeds out of a pumpkin and deciding on a face.  And carving it?  Forget about it.  Just one of those things that was a lot easier when we were younger and our parents were doing half the work!

Hope everyone had a great Halloween!  The holiday season is upon us!  Bring on the Christmas music!